The heart-singers
by Adara's Rose
Summary: A run-of-the-mill "escort passenger A to planet B" mission goes a bit awry when the passengers turn out to be able to hear the whispers of the human heart and wanting to sing them. Now he has no choice but to face the aftermath of having helped Spock through his pon-farr, and deal with his unwanted love for the man.
1. Chapter 1

To boldly go where no man has gone before, that was the creed of the Starship Enterprise. But this was weird, even for them, Jim thought as he adjusted his collar for what must be the tenth time as he waited beside Scotty in the transport room. They had been contacted by Starfleet and asked to escort a royal family back to their home planet of Asheera, and since it was on their current course there had been no reason to refuse. Besides, new people was always welcome on board a ship where every face was familiar, even if you could not put a name to it. But still, these… Ash-irans, was that how you said it?... were the strangest people he had ever been briefed on. And that was saying something. Apparently. They were in addition to two sexes also divided into two sub-sexes, so to speak. Singers and Guardians. Jim wasn't sure what the distinction was, but he knew not to acknowledge the presence of a singer - not even to look at them. Apparently, the singers were identifiable by off-worlders due to wearing old-fashioned domino masks, of a style that had once been quite popular on earth. However the asheeran, that was the name, the asheeran masks covered the bottom half of the face instead of the top, like earth ones.

"Beaming up now, Jim" Scotty's voice broke into his disorganised thoughts and Jim instinctively straightened up into a rigid pose he practiced very hard when alone in his quarters. There was the familiar whirring, buzzing noise and then there they were. Five of them, like expected. The king, his two children and their consorts. The king, easily recognised by his fine robes and proud stance, stepped down slowly, as if unsure how his feet would carry him. When he spoke, however, his voice did not so much as hint at any discomfort.

"I am king Herodion of Amhrán, crown of Asheera." he said slowly, as if he was testing the words. "Which one of you is Captain James T Kirk?" Jim stepped forward, hand outstretched in the customary human greeting. According to his briefing, the asheerans were keen on skin on skin contact. Low level telepaths, they were more comfortable with unvoiced conversations. Jim did his best to keep his mind calm and collected, focused on the situation. Best not to dwell on things better not dwelt on. The King's brow furrowed momentarily but then he smiled, and his severe dark face softened into something that could almost be considered handsome. He shook Jim's hand.

"Welcome aboard the Enterprise" Jim said warmly, "I am Captain Kirk."

"It is most generous of you to allow us aboard your ship" King Herodion went on, his voice now warm like hot brandy on a cold evening. It sent shivers down Jim's spine. The pleasant sort of shivers, like with- he firmly pressed the thought down into his subconsciousness.

"We are honoured to have you present amongst us, your majesty" Jim said, turning on his charms. "This is my Chief Engineer, Mr Scott, and my first officer, Mr Spock." The King nodded at Scotty, then turned to Spock and raised his hand in the traditional vulcan salute. As he did, the four other asheerans did the same. But none of them said a word, not did the blank expressions of the two tall men in the back change. The last two were both smaller than the King and slender, what little of their dark skin that was visible was like chocolate with just the right amount of cream in it. Their robes were loose and flowing, made of thin breezy fabric that hinted of sensuality. They both wore upside-down dominos, covering their mouths, jaws and lower half of their cheeks. Singers, Jim realised and hastily averted his eyes.

"I am honoured" the King said again. "And these are my children, Suneet and Ranit" he gestured to the singers, "and their bonded guardians."

Jim bowed politely, as did Spock and Scotty.

"Welcome" Jim said again, feeling a bit awkward. It felt strange to greet someone he was not to look at, or even directly acknowledge.

"We have quarters set up for you" Spock broke in, sensing Jim's discomfort. "Please, this way."

King Herodion nodded his approval, and led by Spock the strangers left the transport room. Jim heaved a sigh of relief.

"Well, that went well, I think" he said to no one in particular.

"Aye" Scotty agreed, "but those masks give me the creeps."

"Don't worry about it Scotty," Jim said glibly, "you're not supposed to notice that the singers exist anyways."

* * *

As it turned out, the Singers were a curious pair. They could be seen all over the ship, moving almost soundlessly in their loose robes that covered everything, including their hands. Their eyes were huge and dark, all-seeing and non-telling, and the masks only emphasised the eerie silence. That they were constantly followed by large, hulking shadows did nothing to ease the crew's mind about them.

Two days into the journey to Asheera, which was to take one week at the current speed, King Herodion was having lunch with Jim in the Mess Hall. The King had insisted on eating there, wanting to see how the crew lived.

"I am afraid I spend most of my time in the palace" he said as he looked curiously at the tray Jim offered him, "and I do so enjoy seeing how off-worlders live." It took a bit of time for the King to get his lunch, as he was not used to waiting in line or serving himself, but eventually they found themselves at a table. Jim could not help but marvel; the King looked so severe with the harsh lines of his face and his dark robes, but he seemed to be hiding a wellspring of good cheer and curiosity beneath his solemn expression.

"Curious" was his verdict as he examined the food on his place. "What do you call this?"

"Lasagna" Jim replied, amused.

"And I am to eat it as it is, with a fork? It looks like a spoon would be more suitable."

"Humans rarely use spoons unless the are eating soup" Jim explained, and Herodion nodded thoughtfully. He cut a small piece of lasagna with his knife, speared it on his fork and lifted it to his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully, then nodded once.

"I approve" he said, "my thanks to the chef." Jim bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"I am sure Officer Nilstrom will be delighted to hear that" he said instead. They ate in silence for a few minutes, the king clearly savouring every bite. Eventually, he neatly put his cutlery down on the clean plate and looked directly at Jim. It was unnerving; like all asheerans the king avoided direct eye contact with people, preferring brief touches, but now his dark eyes saw straight into Jim's.

"My children wish to sing" he said. "Do you know what that entails?"

Jim shook his head no.

"Only that it is a great honour for an off-worlder to get to hear the song."

"It is" Herodion acknowledged. "My children hear the heart-song of any soul they touch." He went on, speaking as slowly as before. "They also have a strong instinct to share this heart-song in words that the person in question can understand. It has lead to… incidents." Jim nodded; that much he knew - just the night before he had read several reports on diplomatic incidents involving asheeran singers. And three wars, one of which had involved half of the current star system.

"I have read of a few of these incidents" Jim said carefully, "but there were very few details." Herodion nodded.

"It is as we wish it to be. You must understand, we value our singers greatly - they are rare these days, and that I have been blessed by having two of them… I thank the gods each morning for my children."

"I am sure they are a great asset to your house" Jim said and hoped he did not sound too simpering, "but what does this… hearing of the heart-song entail? For the other person, that is?"

"You are a wise man, Captain Kirk" Herodion nodded, then sat in silence. Clearly, he was considering how to lay his words.

"My children have heard the songs of a select group of your crew, ones that sing more clearly than the others. These souls can be heard without touch. They ask that you permit the gathering of these souls in a suitable location, for an evening of singing. During this evening, my children will sing the heart-songs of those present." Jim thought about it.

"I see no reason not to" he said slowly, "but I will not order anyone to attend. It must be voluntary."

"Of course, Captain. My children will invite the ones they hear the most clearly."

"Would tomorrow night be suitable?" Jim asked, thinking they might as well get it over with. If nothing else, it could be interesting.

"Tomorrow evening will be most excellent, Captain."

* * *

"Heart-singers?" Bones asked skeptically over his glass of whiskey that same evening. "What rot is that?"

"I don't know" Jim shrugged, "seemed rude to refuse. And it's voluntary, anyways. You don't have to go."

"What, and miss the goblin's heart-song? Not a chance." Jim rolled his eyes.

"I wish you wouldn't call him that" he protested, but without much effort. Ever since… that incident, Bones had been more hostile to Spock than normal. It was more than the usual snarky banter now, almost antagonistic. It made Jim wish he'd never said anything; he missed the easy camaraderie they'd had.

"I'm not going to be nice to him just because you're tits over arse for him, Jim." Bones said, his tone angry but his eyes worried. He gestured with the glass, almost spilling the drink. "Besides, after the way he-"

"Don't" Jim pleaded, feeling the useless tears sting his eyes again. He was sick of crying; he had done so for days on end, cried until he felt as if he had no liquids left in his body. And still, he felt as if he could cry an ocean without much effort. Not that it would help. Crying never helped. "It was… he needed help. I was available."

"I told you not to do it" Bones griped as he poured himself more whiskey, "told you you were setting yourself up for heartbreak, but no. Why would you listen to me?"

Jim didn't reply. There was no point; Bones was right. And still… he did not regret a single moment of it. Besides, Spock in Pon-Farr was, without any doubt, the wildest ride he'd ever had. That the half-vulcan had ran straight back to Uhura the moment the blood fever passed was something he could live with. He had to. If not for himself, then for the secret. The secret he hadn't even dared to tell Bones.  
He wondered if he'd dare to have more whiskey, but decided against it. Some risks were better not taken. His gran-mamae had taught him that years ago, after Tarsus. Just this once, he was going to take his advice. And tomorrow, his heart-song was going to be sung as Spock and Uhura listened.

He wondered what it sounded like.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim looked around the room, not particularly surprised at the people gathered there. Scotty, Spock, Uhura, Bones. Chekov was more or less hiding in the corner, clearly nervous, and Sulu was just as obviously trying to coax him out. Christine Chapel was looking around with clear curiosity, and then there were a few other crew members sitting by themselves away from their superiors. The seating was composed of three tables in a U shape, where the asheerans sat at the one intersecting the other two. The king in the middle, flanked by his children. At the far end of the room was a small buffet, consisting mainly of vegetarian dishes. The exception was a large pan of lasagna, which King Herodion had proven to be rather fond of.

Jim poked disinterestedly at his salad, finding himself craving red meat. Preferably bloody. He made a mental note to ask Bones to check if he was iron deficit or just having weird cravings. But then again, he realised, that'd lead to questions he did not want to answer… best not ask, after all. Bones may be the best medical officer Jim could ever dream of, but that didn't mean he felt like giving the man a biology lesson. Or explain why he had forged his medical records.

The atmosphere was odd, especially as the asheerans seemed completely unperturbed as they ate. Jim figured it was mainly because the prince and princess had removed their masks, now showing their whole faces. They still did not make a sound, daintily eating their food and looking at the crew with those calm, dark eyes that betrayed nothing.

"Captain" Spock's calm, even voice brought Jim back to the present with a start. He was proud of himself for not flinching at the use of the title, though. Since he had helped Spock with his pon farr, his first officer had stopped calling him by his name and it hurt. It hurt a lot. There was a distance between them now that made Jim feel like he had lost a limb. No, an organ. He had been ripped in half.

"Yes, Spock?" He replied, his voice only slightly choked.

"You are not eating. Are you feeling ill?"

"No, I… I'm just nervous, I guess."

"Illogical. You were aware of what was to take place this evening when you agreed to attend."

"Unlike the rest of us" Uhura said snidely, giving Jim a cold look. It stung, but not as much as Spock's iciness did. Jim was just about to reply when the asheeran king called for attention.

"Thank you for the kindness and courage you show by being present tonight" Herodion said in a strong, clear tone as he rose from his chair. Standing before them he had a commanding presence that made Jim intensely, irrationally jealous. He had been a starship captain for years, a damn fine captain, he had no reason to be jealous. But there it was. He forced himself to listen to what the King had to say.

"The heart-song is, to my people, the most precious thing each living creature have. And a few of us have been honoured by the gods and granted the ability to hear this song." Suneet and Ranit both smiled with clear pride at that, but still made no noise.

"What will happen" The King explained, "is that my children will move amongst you, touching each and every one of you in time. When they touch, you have the option to give or refuse permission for them to sing your heart-song. However, if you refuse, I must ask that you immediately leave the room. This is a very intimate experience, and if you are not willing to give yourself over fully, then please do not participate." no one moved. King Herodion nodded in satisfaction and approval.

"Excellent" he said as his dark eyes swept over the Enterprise crew. "The song will come out in words, words that are known by you. Since you are off-worlders, my children will try their best to find a song within you that the others can understand. Once more, I and my children thank you for your openness." Thus having finished, Herodion sat down again.

The twins rose, slowly, removing their gloves as they did. They had long, slender fingers, and as they slowly moved throughout the room they held their hands slightly outstretched. Then, Ranit stopped. She stood in the middle of the room, and clasped her hands loosely in front of her. As she did so, Suneet carefully rested his slender fingers on Ensign Hancock's bare neck. Hancock nodded slowly, giving his permission. The female raised her head, opened her mouth, and sang:

"Once, there was the sun… bright and warm, and wonderful. Shining like the joy within my heart…"

The sorrow in the song was heart wrenching, and as the asheeran sang Jim watched Hancock lower his head and start to cry, softly, quietly. As he cried, another of the crew members looked at him with a mix of horror and confusion. Then, the song was over and a stunned silence filled the room. The asheeran prince removed his hand, gently brushed away the tears from Hancock's cheeks, and glided through the room to stand beside his sister. They looked at each other for a moment, then the princess nodded once and started moving, hands outstretched before her.

They all watched, curious and anxious at the same time, as she moved slowly past several of the people present. Finally she stopped, and her hand came to rest on Sulu's cheek. He seemed look into her eyes, and for several moments they all held their collective breaths. Then, the male twin began to sing.

"I am the man who will fight for your honour. I will be the hero, you are dreaming of. We'll live forever, knowing together, that we did it all for the glory of love…"

Once the last notes of the song ebbed out, Sulu looked down at his hands, bashful. Ranit just smiled that same smile her brother had earlier, then pressed a kiss to Sulu's cheek. He turned bright red, and seemed to shrink in on himself with embarrassment as the asheeran returned to her twin.

Jim could not help but wonder who it was that song was directed to - it was an obvious love song, clearly there had to be a recipient, right? He hoped it was Chekov, who was looking at Sulu with his heart in his eyes. Sulu was staring down at his hands, and therefore did not see. But he finally looked up when the princess sang, sweetly, her brother's hand on the pale skin of the navigator's neck:

"How can you give your love to someone else, and share your dreams with me? Sometimes the very thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see..."

The two best friends stared at each other in wide-eyed silence, seeing something in the other's eyes that held them captivated. Jim smiled; at least there was some happiness to be found on board.

The asheerans did not seem to care about the newfound love that was blossoming before them, they simply moved on. After a rousing rendition of "que sera sera, whatever shall be will be" that came about when the female touched nurse Chapel's hand and a contemplative "how many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?" from ensign O'Connor, the twins spent a few moments standing close to each other. They pressed their foreheads together, as if in silent contemplation.

"They are resting" King Herodion explained, "finding comfort in the inner world of the other. This is not easy for them."

Then, the twins touched each other's lips briefly with their pointer finger like a twisted version of a hushing motion. Apparently done resting, princess Ranit turned and started moving through the room. Everyone's eyes, apart from Sulu and Chekov who were still lost in each other, followed her as she slid up behind Scotty's chair. Much to their surprise, she wound her arms around his neck and rested her cheek against his hair. With a stunned expression, Scotty gave a barely noticeable nod of consent. The male asheeran's voice rang out, so full of sorrow it made a few tears slip unbidden from Jim's eyes.

"I have my books, and my poetry to protect me. I am shielded in my armor. Hiding in my room, safe within my womb. I touch no one and no one touches me..."

His heart breaking for his stoic friend, Jim vowed that he was going to spend more time with Scotty from now on. A lot more time.

The princess pressed a kiss to Scotty's forehead, then moved to take her brother's place in the middle of the room. Suneet moved with determination now, not doing the seeking that had foregone all other choosings. No, he headed straight for Bones, and clasped the doctor's hand in his own.

"Very well" Bones muttered, "get it over with."

The princess cocked her head to the side as if listening, and they all held their breaths as they waited. Then, she drew a long shaky breath as if on the verge of tears. She closed her dark eyes, wetted her lips, and sang softly:

"And in the darkness, when I'm blind with what I can't forget... it's always morning in my mind, my little lamb... my pet... Joanna... Joanna… it's time to say… good bye..."

Bones scowled furiously at the asheeran male who, tears dripping down his cheeks, retreated to seek comfort with his sister. But Jim had known the doctor enough by this point to see through it, see the pain underneath, and once more he cursed the ex-Mrs McCoy for taking their daughter away from his friend. That was a gaping wound that not even Bones could heal.

This time as the twins moved together, they stood for several moments holding each other. Their faces pressed together so that not only foreheads, but also noses and chins touched. From where he sat, Jim could see that both had their eyes closed. And they were both crying. King Herodion moved over to his children, placing a hand on each of their backs in silent comfort. As if on cue, or answering a question not asked, both of them vehemently shook their heads. Then, wiping at her wet face, the female moved to touch Spock.

She paused right in front of him, hand outstretched. Clearly, she was waiting for permission. Spock answered her silent question with the barest inclination of his head, and her fingertips came into contact with his face in the barest of touches. The moment they came into contact the male twin burst into song. But what a song! There was not a word in it that Jim understood - at least not at first. Then there was a word he partly recognised - brother, friend, comrade. T'hy'la. It was sung several times, unsure at first then with more conviction. Each time the male repeated it, Uhura's face darkened a little more. If looks could kill, Bones would have found himself explaining to the admiralty why Spock was acting captain before the night was over. It made no sense to Jim; there was no reason for her to be angry with him. Sure, he had spent three glorious days in Spock's bed… and his shower… and on his sofa… and his floor… all over his quarters, really… but that had only been to help his friend through Pon Farr. it didn't mean anything, right? Jim suddenly remembered that Uhura spoke fluent vulcan. Another thing she was better at than him, he thought and felt irrationally jealous. There was no point in being jealous - Spock was not his. He was never going to be Jim's. The sooner he came to terms with that, the better. Besides, he had something of Spock, didn't he? Something special and unique that was all his. It was enough. It had to be enough.

Knowing thinking about that time was a bad idea, Jim found himself helpless to resist and sank deeply into memories of Spock's body against his. How right and perfect it had felt, to give everything he had to the other man. How he had made love to Spock with every fibre of his being. No guilt, shame or angry and possessive linguistics officers could take that away from him. Spock might have been a rutting beast lost in the throes of the mating fever, but Jim had made love. Over and over and over again, wild beautiful love. Those memories were beautiful, and he was never going to let anything sully them. They were all he had. That, and the secret.

Jim was lost in his own head for… well, how long he did not know. Lost in the memories of Spock's skin, the scent of him, the feel of him. He stole a glance at Spock's hands, serenely clasped on the table. Those hands had burned like fire when they touched him, setting him alight with pleasure. He ached to hear Spock's voice, like he had so often back in the days. When they had been friends, good friends that had known each other for years and years. He even missed being thoroughly trounced at chess once a week. They didn't play chess anymore. They didn't do anything anymore, really. It was unbearable. Seeing Spock with Uhura had hurt as if someone pushed their hand into his chest to squeeze his heart, but at least then he had been considered a close friend. As close as could be. And now he didn't even have friendship, anymore. It made him want to cry. But at the same time, he did not want to cry. He had cried so much already, cried himself to sleep night after night after night, alone in his quarters. He had fallen asleep clutching the pillow, pressing it to his chest instead of pressing a warm, soft body there. It was all he wanted, and it wasn't his. And now, now that he knew how it felt, it hurt all the more. Hurt a thousand times more. And Jim couldn't tell anyone. Couldn't let anyone see.

Eventually, he'd figure out how to breathe without feeling like his chest was full of broken shards of glass.

Apparently, he had missed a few songs because when he got back to himself it was to realise that one of the twins was brushing past him on their… no, his… way to Uhura. Giving one last angry look at Jim, Uhura turned her face up to the asheeran and smiled. It was a warm, lovely smile that Jim remembered from before. Before Jim had screwed everything up. The smile fell away quickly, however, as the female asheeran began to sing, her voice full of sorrow but with a tone of finality and acceptance.

"Lay a whisper on my pillow, leave the winter on the ground. I wake up lonely, there's air of silence, in the bedroom and all around…" Jim's gaze reluctantly tore itself away from Spock where it had wandered, as it always did, to look at Uhura. She looked back, and for once there was no anger or hatred in her eyes. Only sadness.

"It must have been love", Ranit sang, "it must have been good, but I lost it somehow..."

Once more Jim felt like crying, cursing his newfound melancholy. It was humiliating, to sit here amongst his friends and crew and want nothing more than to break down and cry. Well, there was one thing he wanted more. He wanted Spock to put his arms around him and comfort him.

Eventually, the asheeran fell quiet. She looked unbearably sad, like a little girl having just been told there is no such thing as Santa Claus. Or whatever the equivalent was on Asheera. Jim looked at her, and she looked at him as she slowly moved closer, and with a start Jim realised that he was the only one left. Everyone else had heard their heart-song, and he could see it in their faces. Some were embarrassed, some were sad, a few were smiling. Chekov's head was nestled into the crook of Sulu's neck and the pilot had his arms around the russian youth. It looked right, like Chekov was made to be clasped in Sulu's arms. Like they fit. Bones seemed a thousand miles away, Uhura was solemn. Spock was as blank as a mirror, showing nothing. Not even Jim, who knew him so well, could read him now. Jim's eyes flitted back to the princess. She was standing in front of him now, hand outstretched. Her dark, dark eyes seemed to stare into his very being, as if he was a book that she was reading. Her fingers, when they touched his face, were surprisingly cool. Her touch was gossamer soft like silk, barely there and yet he felt it to the depth of his being. As if she had laid her hand on his soul. It should have felt intrusive but it didn't. And Suneet began to sing.

"She's beautiful in her simple little way. She don't have too much to say when she gets mad..."

Her shoulders were so slim, like they would break at the merest weight, and yet she carried him for the short moment of time she looked at him. Like she was shouldering the burden he did not dare to let anyone know he was carrying.

"...And somehow you make me smile when I'm sad… And then you realized you wanted what you had…"

The princess's eyes were so sad, and it felt like his heart lifted a little. Her eyes that saw everything and passed it on to her brother, so that he might sing it.

"... I should have held on to my pride; I should have never let you lie... I guess you got what you deserved. I guess I should have been more like her…"

He wasn't going to cry, damn it, he had gotten this far without letting anyone but Bones see his tears. He could get through a bit of singing. But every word that fell from the asheeran's lips left Jim's heart bare and aching, whimpering in the dust that had been his life until a few damnable months ago. When he hadn't been able to say no to the man he loved, the man who was suffering, desperate for help. Even knowing it was the biggest mistake of his life, he had done it anyway.

"... It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth - you love her, and she loves you with all she has…"

Well, there went his facade. Jim felt the tears that had burned in his eyes all evening start to slip down his cheeks, slowly at first then faster and faster until it was like two waterfalls streaming down from his eyes. And still he could not look away from the asheeran's dark, deep eyes. Eyes that were crying, too.

"...I guess I should've been more like her."

* * *

 _the songs quoted, in order:_

 _"Once there was the sun" from 'Thumbelina'_

 _"Glory of Love" by Peter Cetera_

 _"Save the best for last" by Vanessa Williams_

 _"que sera sera" by Doris Day_

 _"Blowing in the wind" by Bob Dylan_

 _"I am a rock" by Simon and Garfunkel_

 _"Joanna (reprise)" from 'Sweeney Todd; the demon barber on Fleet Street', sung by Johnny Depp._

 _"It must have been love" by Roxette_

 _"More like her" by Miranda Lambert_


	3. Chapter 3

It was two days after the Singing, and a mentally exhausted Jim was saying goodbye to the asheerans. The emotional upheaval from the night before still had him reeling slightly, but he managed to stay reasonably put together as he and King Herodion walked to the transport room, followed by the King's children and their Guardians. The twins had once more donned their masks, and their wide vacant eyes showed not a hint of the powers that lay within them. It was even more eerie now, that Jim knew what it felt like to look into those eyes.

"I hope we have not caused too much grief" The King said carefully, overtly looking Jim over. Battling the urge to rub his cheeks like a little boy, Jim shook his head.

"There might have been some turmoil, but in the end I think we will be better off for it. The Enterprise thanks you."

King Herodion bowed, then stepped onto the platform to beam down to his planet.

"And I, Herodion, King of Asheera, thank you for your hospitality and kindness Jim Kirk." He raised his hand in the vulcan salute. But the words he said were definitely not vulcan. "Keelah Se'lai."

Jim blinked in confusion, but before he had time to ask what the phrase meant the asheerans were gone. As if they had never been there. Just another group of travellers. Jim thought of his secret. Of dark eyes that stared into your soul. Of the words that the asheerans had chosen to symbolise the song of his heart. He found himself hoping he would meet King Herodion and his children again, and maybe they would have another song for him then.

For now, he needed to talk to Bones.

Someone should know his secret.


End file.
